It seems often that in order to experience the force of God we have to let go of everything else in our lives and dedicate ourselves lock, stock and barrel to the religious path. Not surprisingly, this level of devotion receives a fair bit of attention in "A Testament of Devotion":
Totalitarian are the claims of Christ.
[In Christian life] No vestige of reservation of "our" rights can remain.
Worshipping in the light we become new creatures, making wholly new and astonishing responses to the entire outer setting of life.
(Quoting Richard Cary) "it is wonderful. I have been literally melted down by the love of God."
Kelly speaks of George Fox and early Friends "dedicating themselves utterly and completely to attendance upon this inward living Christ."
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I probably look like a deer in the headlights when I read these passages being melted down, being made a wholly new creature, etc. There are plenty of parts of my current self that I like and... um, identify with!
So does adopting faith have to be a total makeover? Not in my experience. As any good Quaker, I am suspicious of changes that happen too abruptly in my feelings and opinions. When I'm struck with the impression that I should move to Hawaii, or suddenly become passionate about the idea of going back to school to study math, there is usually cause for pause.
The growth of my spiritual life has been anything but abrupt, and I'm comfortable with it that way. It's more like a painting that is completed brush stroke by brush stroke. This week there are new strokes fleshing out my understanding of Christ, for example. Some of those have covered up old ideas about Christ. They have also changed the composition of my previous brush strokes depicting God.
I do not feel capable of jumping fully into utter devotion to God. Thank goodness God is patient, as Kelly also tells us:
"For God himself works in our souls, in their deepest depths, taking increasing control as we are progressively willing to be prepared for His wonder."
So God's wonder also comes in personal-size servings too, not just the jumbo, all at once, life flipping package. This week God's "wonder" came to me in a conversation with a dear friend. It came in a period of waiting worship where I heard a Friend speak about our ordinariness. It came in a Quaker pamphlet that interpreted Christ as "the power of God". I receive in proportion to what I'm willing to accept today. God will offer me the divine gift that fits my willingness. Maybe today it's as simple as a sunrise, or the sound of my coffee maker brewing.
Activity suggested by Kelly for those of us taking the progressive route towards a richer faith life:
"In the early weeks we begin with simple, whispered words. Formulate them spontaneously, "Thine only. Thine only." ...repeat them inwardly, over and over again. For the conscious cooperation of the surface level is needed at first, before prayer sinks into the second level as habitual divine orientation. Change the phrases as you feel led, from hour to hour.... The time will come when verbalization is not so imperative, and yields place to the attitudes of soul which you meant the words to express." 43-44
Thoughtful repetition of meaningful words that convey the soul-attitudes I want to possess. Sounds like a step toward spiritual life that I could undertake.
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